So we went to IHOP last night for dinner and there was a mother and her teenage son in the booth behind us. She was ripping into him like you wouldn't believe using filthy language every other word... talking about how he was doing drugs and his brother was going to jail and she just didn't know what to do with them... Luckily right as I was about to ask for a new table (I don't need Eli to learn those words yet) they gathered their things to leave.
Thinking back on the situation, I feel sad for them. I know that all kids make their own choices and whether we're amazing parents or awful ones - our kids are their own people and make their own choices. And I'm not judging this lady and her situation because I'll never know what she has been through. Its just sad that she felt like she had to be in the position to scream at her boy like that. Although if she does that all the time - I wonder if that might be part of the reason her boys rebel so much? who knows.
I just look at my life and look at where she is and wonder, where is the leap? I am still in my state of blissful happiness. I look at my growing boys and watch them learn so many new things every day and just thoroughly enjoy them. I know that we will have our difficult times to come, but it just seems so far away.
I have a co-worker whose son is grown and he has nothing but awful things to say about him. He is manipulative and evil and blah, blah, blah but when you get him talking about how his son was as a baby - its all good things. He was so sweet and good natured etc. And I expect if you were ask that lady at IHOP what she thought of her sons as babies, she would say the same. How are these kids growing up to be mean spirited and awful. Are they? or are they reacting to the situation they are given? Are they just products of their environment? What does this mean for our future? Does loving them unconditionally help change the end result?
I'm in a book club (classical education stuff) and we were reading Montaigne and his essay on the Education of Children. We started talking about how things are so much different now and how this is really the first time in history that our young teenagers haven't had to go to work. Back in centuries before, 12/13 is when you start your apprenticeships for your career. Carpenters or blacksmiths whatever. Now our kids are bored and getting into trouble. Do I have an answer? No. Will I know what to do when Eli and Nathan get into trouble and make bad choices? No. Does my head hurt thinking about this stuff? Most definitely.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
that is so sad! i worry every single day about my kids. especially hannah. i absolutely adore my sweet smart little girl, but she is so stubborn and strong-headed.
Hm. Thinking about stuff like this freaks me out. Ryan and I talk about this all the time. We both get sad thinking about what the future might hold for our kids! As much as we love them and try to bring them up with the right principles, it's hard to say how they'll turn out. Even the worst adults come from great, loving families!
When I think about stuff like this, I always remember what my cute 90 year old neighbor that I visit teach once told me. I was complaining about Carter a few years ago, how naughty and busy he can be. She told me, "Honey, enjoy these years. When your kids are little, you've got little problems. When they're big, you've got BIG problems." How true! And she would know, she raised 12 kids! It really put things in perspective for me.
Great post, Mary!
Post a Comment